Thursday, March 6, 2014
I know I should be content with having a job but sometimes it's hard. Days like today for instance. My client is in a bad mood and there's no household chores for me to do so I'm just on the couch on my phone. This is not what I want to do. I want to feel like a CNA. I want to feel needed. I want someone I can talk to. Three months as of today I have been with a Spanish-speaking lady and I speak English. No biggie. Being more of a maid is a big deal. I don't get paid nearly enough, half-hour drive to do nothing. Some people who work the 8-12 hour shifts at a nursing home or hospital would love to have my job but I'm tired of doing nothing. I need to feel needed. When I baby-sit the girls, I feel more like a CNA than when I'm at work. Days like today makes me question what I do. Then I get to go home to two little girls that I can spoil because they aren't mine. I know it's silly but I'm ready for some action, I'm ready for the dirty work. To clean peoples BM's, to dress them, to get curse at, to do those awful TED stockings, to take someone's BP. Not to just sit around and get cursed out in Spanish. I know this is what I want to do, but this is not the place. I was so desperate to get my foot in the door. I can't even say I have any experience of being a CNA. I'm not giving up though.